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030 Outer Order, Inner Calm w/ Gretchen Rubin

Wednesday 22nd May 2024
Gretchen Rubin Outer Order, Inner Calm Follow Your Different™ Podcast

How do you become happier in life? On today’s episode, four-time New York Times bestselling author Gretchen Rubin joins us for a fun, insightful conversation. How do you turn feeling envy and lying into tools for our own growth?

Relationships for Happiness

There are two ways to achieve happiness, depending on the mental framework that you use. One of which is that to be happy, we need to have enduring, intimate bonds.

“Ancient philosophers and contemporary scientists would agree that relationship is key to happiness.” – Gretchen Rubin

We have to feel like we belong, be able to confide a secret, get support, and give support. Anything that broadens or deepens our relationships is something that would make us happier. When we look at people who say they’re happier, they tend to have more relationships.

Self-knowledge is also Key

From a different vantage point, you can also say that the key to happiness is self-knowledge. We can build a happy life on the foundation of our own nature, interests, values, and temperament.

“It’s really by knowing ourselves that with this knowledge we can shape our lives to better reflect what is true for us.” – Gretchen Rubin

It should be fairly easy to know oneself when you hang out with yourself all day long, right? But the truth is that it’s not very easy at all. This stems from how we sometimes wish that we were different from who are or from how we are different from what other people expect or want us to be.

Envy and Lies are Helpful

Gretchen is keen on finding questions or indirect ways to help us understand ourselves better. For instance, whom do we envy? People don’t want to admit they feel it, but envy is actually helpful because it shows us what we wish we had.

Another question we must ask ourselves is, what do we lie about? Oftentimes when we lie, what we do doesn’t match up with what our value is and this is really important information to reflect on.

“The fact that you’re not being truthful about it means that somehow, you’re not comfortable with what your real answer is and that’s a sign—hey, maybe I need to get my actions and values into better harmony.” – Gretchen Rubin

To hear more about how we can achieve inner calm and peace from Gretchen, download and listen to the episode.


Gretchen Rubin is a writer who relentlessly explores human nature to understand how we can make our lives better.

She believes there’s no one-size-fits-all solution for becoming happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative; when we know ourselves and what works for us, we can change our habits and our lives.

She’s the author of the bestselling books (The Happiness Project, Happier at Home, Better Than Before, The Four Tendencies),

And she hosts the award-winning podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin,

The New York Times calls her “the queen of the self-help memoir.”


We hope you enjoyed Gretchen Rubin on this episode of Follow Your Different™! Christopher loves hearing from his listeners. Feel free to email him, connect on FacebookTwitterInstagram and subscribe on iTunes!